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Bat Patrol Foils Another Snake Attack
by
Gilbert Gopher
Staff Writer
Authorities report that the Southside Bat Patrol intercepted and prevented an attempted snake attack on the southern border of The Woods late last night. Security reports indicate that two snakes allegedly attempted to infiltrate a small, unguarded gap in the border. The snakes allegedly advanced to approximately ten feet from the gap when they got excited and ruffled a pile of leaves, alerting Bat Patrol to the threat.
Bat Patrol Captain and Southside Air Platoon leader, Ike D. Bat, when asked how they were able to fight off the snakes, responded, “We couldn’t have done it without Sergeant Oliver. He heard a suspicious noise and went to check it out. Once he identified the threat, he followed platoon security procedures to a tee, sent a radar to the rest of the squad, and we responded immediately and eliminated the threat. The whole incident was handled pretty much by the book.”
Last year The Woods and The Caverns entered into a trade agreement, The Caverns provide security for The Woods in return for nuts. Everyone agrees that the bats’ security services are best in The Land, mostly because they can fly, see in the dark, and, unlike our hawk allies to the north, have no latent desire to eat munks.
This morning, we contacted The Woods Mayor Cashew Micks for comment. He reports, “I’m delighted with the results of the new security patrols. Before, we just tried to beat them off with sticks, and we always lost a few good munks, but since we made the deal with the bats, snake attacks are down seventy percent. They truly have a talent for the work, and are worth every acorn we’re paying them.”
Bat Patrol has promised an increased presence along the southern border, which has been particularly susceptible to snake attacks originating from The Swamp. Mayor Micks has put his full support behind providing increased funding required to train and deploy more bat patrols. He continues to make security his number one priority as mayor of The Woods.
He finished reading and headed down to the lobby. There were a few munks waiting to check out at the reception desk, and munk bellboys were helping other guests with their suitcases. Seedler walked out the entrance and passed two new doormen, the dayshift. He greeted them with a meager, “Good morning”.
Both doormen replied in unison, “Have a good day, Sir.” As Seedler started down the street, he quite literally bumped into Plujo, headed purposefully in the opposite direction.
“Excuse me…” Plujo said, and then he recognized his old neighbor. “Oh, it’s you Seedler…”
Seedler recognized Plujo at once, “Yes, Plujo. You seem very busy this morning…”
“Well, I just got into The Woods yesterday, and I had to find a place to stay. So I went to the real estate office and they found me a condo. It’s not much, but it’s safe. No snakes around. I still had a few acorns left from the old neighborhood, but I used them for a deposit, so I need to get a job. I heard that Nut-ro-Soft might be hiring.”
“Nut-ro-Soft?”
“It’s a big outfit here in The Woods. Makes the whole place go.”
“Is that so?”
“Yes, I don’t know what The Woods would do without it. They ship nuts all over The Land. It’s a very important company.”
Upon hearing this, Seedler became more interested. He’d need some nuts himself. He asked, “How many nuts do you think they have?”
Plujo replied, “Oh, it’s huge, they must ship thousands, even…millions!”
Seedler’s eyes widened even more. He began to think about the possibilities. Back in The Tiny Grove, He had controlled only a pawful of acorns. But he had spread the wealth, and spread happiness to a majority of the munks there, even though it was only for a short time. He began to imagine sharing millions of acorns with all the creatures in the land. And eventually all would love him, because he was just and fair.
“…but I’m happy to start at the bottom and work my way up.” Then Plujo changed the subject. “So how are Cuffy and Carol?”
The question nudged Seedler back into the conversation. “I’m sure they are well. They seemed very…ummm…hopeful.”
“They should come here too. Plenty of nuts to go around in The Woods. You should call them.”
“Err…yes, perhaps I will.”
“Well, I’m off to find a job.” Plujo said, wrapping up the conversation, “Have a good day.”
“Goodbye, Plujo.”
As Plujo walked away, Seedler remembered how Cuffy and Carol had liked him and agreed with him. And Plujo was right, there were more nuts to go around here. He would call them, and bring them to The Woods to help him in his new endeavors.
Plujo was still within earshot, and Seedler called out to him, “Plujo, I would like to call Cuffy and Carol, do you have a mobile?”
Plujo turned around and replied, “Oh, not yet, but I saw a department store up the road that way,” and he pointed in the opposite direction. “You should be able to get one there.”
Seedler thanked the kind munk and started in the direction Plujo had pointed. He walked past several big trees on the way. Finally he came to a big parking lot, and he looked up and there was the biggest scarlet oak he had seen in The Woods yet. Over the giant entrance hollow, there was the biggest sign he had seen yet. “Walnut Mart”. The “W” was the size of a mountain. He felt rather ordinary on his approach to the giant opening.
Just past the entrance there were shopping carts and checkout lanes, and beyond them were various aisles and departments that seemed to cover every need a rodent could have. There were cleaning nectars, little diapers made of leaves, creative toys, household goods, little brooms made of various debris from the forest, and, over to the left, a big display case with a sign over it that read, “Mobiles”. There was a munk behind the case, within which were a variety of crickets, awake but noticeably bored. Seedler approached the display case.
“Good day, I was looking for a mobile. I’ve only just arrived into The Woods, and it’s obvious I’m not going to get very far without one.”
The munk replied, “Very good, sir, we have several models,” and he gestured down into the case. Starting from the left he pointed at each one.
“This one keeps its charge all day…” the cricket darted energetically to and fro, as if to demonstrate its advantages.
“This one has roaming charges,” and the sales clerk sneered a bit. The cricket cleared is throat and shrugged.
“This one is nice…it has Bluetooth,” and the cricket smiled to reveal an enormous single bright blue tooth.
“But this one is my favorite…nice and clear sound, and no dropped calls,” and he pointed to a sleek looking model on the end. The cricket stood upright and looked…reliable. It sang, “Mee Mee Mee Meeeeeeee!”
“Can I try that one?” Seedler asked.
“Absolutely, sir! No problem.” He removed the sleek looking cricket from the case and passed it over to his customer.
Seedler held the cricket up to his ear and tested it, “Can you hear me now?” The cricket nodded enthusiastically.
“I’ll take this one.”
“Certainly, sir. Excellent choice. That will be fifty acorns”.
“Fifty? That’s very expensive.”
“Oh, yes sir. This is our best model.”
Seedler was a little surprised it was so much, but, in the end, decided that he should have a good, high-quality mobile cricket. “Very well, here’s my card.” He handed the clerk his Chestnut Express card.
The sales clerk took the credit card and replied, “Thank you sir, it will be just a minute.” Seedler looked around aimlessly as the clerk swiped the card into a slit in a small, box-like contraption with a screen, which was hooked up to a smaller cricket by its antennae. The cricket hummed its hind legs together for a moment, paused, and hummed again as it received some kind of communication in response.
The screen lit up with the word, “DECLINED”. The sales clerk looked suspiciously at Seedler, and tried again. Same result. The clerk called over to Seedler with a nervous laugh, “Excuse me, sir. There seems to be a problem with your card. Do you have another one?”
Seedler, somewhat embarrassed, replied, “What seems to be the problem?” The clerk pointed to the machine, which still read “DECLINED”. A munk was waiting in line behind him, watching the whole ordeal and snickering at Seedler’s mishap.
Seedler loosened his collar, and replied, “Well, I wonder why that would happen?”
The sales clerk, propped his head up with his elbow resting on the case. “Well, you could be over your limit…”
Seedler was annoyed, and the munk behind him snickered even more loudly.
“…or you could have a late payment…”
Seedler was even more agitated. “Now look here! I’ve never…”
“It’s okay, sir,” the clerk winked. “It happens to the best of us. What about cash?”
“Cash?”
“Yeah, cash, nuts, acorns, moolah, cold hard currency.”
“I don’t have fifty acorns right now, sir.” Seedler replied, now extremely embarrassed.
“What’s the matter, don’t you have a job?”
“A job?”
The clerk elaborated, snidely, “Yeah, a job, a profession, you know…where someone pays you…to do something you’re good at.”
“I know what a job is! But I’ve never had a job. I am far too important for menial labor,” he announced proudly, “because I am just and fair.”
“I’m sure you are, sir, “the clerk replied sarcastically. “Look, I can’t just give you the cricket. I’d like to, but the Walnut Mart can’t just give away the goods. They’d be out of business, and then I’d be out of a job. I’ve got munklings to feed.”
Seedler didn’t appreciate the lecture. But the clerk continued, “I’ll give you a little advice. Back up the road. Go six trees…on the right. They helped me get my job here. Next, please!”
Seedler stepped back, offended, and the snickering munk behind him pushed forward to the counter to finally be waited on. He turned around and left the store through the hollow marked “Exit”. He was the only one leaving empty-handed.
He thought about the advice the sales clerk had given him. Get a job? How would he share his wisdom with the world if he were busy all the time with a job? He walked back towards the hotel, intending to use the cricket in his room. But as he approached the entrance, the one of the bow tied bellboys recognized him, and stopped him in front of the doorway.
“Excuse me sir. There’s a message for you.”
Seedler repeated, somewhat surprised, “A message?”
“Yes, please wait here.”
The bellboy stepped into the hotel lobby while Seedler waited, but he quickly returned out front with the desk clerk from the night before. He resumed his position of standing next to the door looking straight ahead. The receptionist approached Seedler.
“Mr. Seedler?”
“Yes?”
“Mr. Seedler, we got a cricket this morning from the Chestnut Express Company. They said you were over your credit limit.”
“What??!!”
Then she whispered, “they told us about the Walnut Mart. Most unfortunate…”
Seedler’s face became deep red with embarrassment.
“We at the Maple Leaf understand that these things can happen. But we’ll have to ask you to leave until you work out your problems with the credit card company. I’ll need your key.”
Seedler, too frustrated and embarrassed to argue anymore, reached in his pocket and handed over the key.
The desk clerk checked carefully to ensure that it was the correct key, then cheerfully replied, “Thank you. Have a nice day!” She returned to the hotel lobby and slammed the door. Both of the bellboys leered distrustfully at Seedler until he got the message and walked away.
--------------------
Seedler took stock in his current situation. He had no food, no shelter, and no money. Maybe he should get a job. He obviously needed the acorns. And with the food, apartment, and services that the acorns would buy, he would be rested and well-nourished enough to seek his higher calling in The Land. With that, he decided to try out the advice of the sales clerk from the Walnut Mart and started back up the road. He passed more busy munks and gophers on the sidewalk, and busses whizzed by him back and forth. He walked cautiously by five or six other active business-trees, and then came across an older stump on the right. This must be the place. The small sign over the hollow read, “Employment Bureau”.
A little nervous, he paused directly in front of the Employment Bureau. He gathered his composure, fighting the notion that this was all a bit beneath him, and strolled confidently forward. A simple reception area welcomed him, in the center of which stood a dispenser that discharged numbered slips to keep track of who was next in line. There were forty or fifty chairs in three rows, in most of which sat hopeful job seekers—mostly munks, but also several gophers and at least one bat. In front, there was a long desk where the recruiters were working. Behind the recruiters were three or four offices where the recruiters did interviews. Seedler noticed there were only three recruiters, but no less than thirty applicants.
He took a number and found an empty chair in the back row, and looked to his left and saw that Plujo was sitting just next to him. Plujo noticed immediately and cheerfully greeted him.
“Why, hello, Mr. Seedler! I didn’t think I’d run into you here.”
Seedler was slightly embarrassed to be recognized so quickly, but politely responded, “Oh, hello, Plujo. How’s the job-hunt going.”
“Ugh! I’ve been here all morning! I’m number seventeen. They called me up once, to ask me where I was from, but then they told me to sit back down and fill out a couple of forms. Now I’m waiting to interview.
Seedler didn’t want to be stuck there all day waiting around. It didn’t seem like the best use of his time. He looked down at his number…thirty-eight. It would be a while. He looked away, rolling his eyes so that Plujo couldn’t see. Just then, a very fat munk recruiter called, “Number seventeen!” from behind the desk.
Plujo checked his number. “Whew! Finally! That’s me.” As he stood up, he wished Seedler good luck.
Seedler watched Plujo take two steps towards the desk, when an idea came to him. He quickly stood up himself and caught up to Plujo. He stopped him with a gentle pull of his forepaw, and politely pulled him aside.
“Plujo, my boy, would you mind terribly if I accompanied you to the interview? I’d like to speak with the recruiter, too. But, since I am a squirrel with premium leadership qualities, my time is far too valuable to wait in line. The company will immediately see that I must be in charge. And I’ll be able to put in a good word for you.”
That was a strange request. Plujo had patiently waited for his turn, and there were a lot of others in line. Seedler wanted to cut in front of them. He wanted the process to be faster just for him. It didn’t seem quite…fair.
On the other hand, having an important-looking squirrel like Seedler in the interview providing a stellar character reference could help him get the job, and maybe even a higher salary to start out. So he agreed, and they both followed the recruiter back to the interview rooms.
“Have a seat, Mr. Plujo,” the recruiter directed as they entered the room. Then she noticed that there were two applicants, and addressed Seedler as she took her own seat behind a small desk, “and who are you?”
“I am Seedler the Squirrel, and I am just and fair.” Seedler spoke in a poised, confident, but slightly intimidating voice.
“Well, that’s…um…nice…” said the recruiter. “Please have a seat. I’m Ms. Hazel. I’m the personnel manager with the Nut-ro-Soft Company…” She paused, smiled at both of them and noted, “We don’t usually interview two at once. I’m not sure where to start.” She studied the pair, noting that Seedler appeared more distinguished and important than Plujo, and started with him. “Now then, Mr. Seedler, you are obviously a squirrel…where are you from?”
“I am from an unknown, faraway land.”
Ms. Hazel jotted something down in her notebook. “I see. Now then, what kind of job are you looking for?”
Seedler immediately responded forcefully but politely, “I have much to offer. I am a great leader. Rodents of all kinds look to me for guidance.”
“So you are a manager?”
“Well, yes, I suppose so.”
“And what are your career goals?”
“To give everyone what is just and fair.”
Ms. Hazel, processed his response, jotted down a note, and asked him to elaborate, “So you are in human resources?”
Seedler answered, “Well, yes, I suppose so. I was the leader of The Tiny Grove. Plujo here worked for me. At least until he quit and came here.”
On the last comment, Ms. Hazel cast a suspicious glance at Plujo, then turned back to Seedler, enthralled with his charisma. He continued, “It was I who organized The Tiny Grove into a just and fair community, and provided acorns for all the munks who lived there.”
“Ahh, good, you do payroll, too. You certainly are multi-talented, Mr. Seedler!” She made another note, then switched to Plujo, “Mr. Plujo, you certainly are fortunate to have had the privilege to work with Mr. Seedler here. He seems to have all the leadership qualities we look for at Nut-ro-Soft. Now, according to your application, you’re obviously an excellent nut-gatherer, but if you didn’t want to work for Mr. Seedler, how can I be sure you’ll be a good employee for Nut-ro-Soft Corporation.
Plujo loosened his collar, and a few beads of sweat began to form on his brow. He smiled a nervous smile, and wondered if he’d have been better off making Seedler wait his turn. This was a real pressure-cooker of an interview, and he seemed to be the one getting all the hard questions. He explained, “Oh, I definitely want to work for Nut-ro-Soft. I want to work hard and work my way up! Climb the corporate ladder. I’ll gather so many nuts, you won’t know what to do with them all!”
“I’m sure you will, Mr. Plujo,” she replied disingenuously. “Tell me, what kind of wages were you looking for?”
Plujo became excited. He knew he was a hard worker, and good munks at Nut-ro-Soft could make as much as fifteen acorns a day. He planned to ask for fifteen, and he would settle at ten. He began to reply, “Ms. Hazel, I know I’ll be a good employee. You’ll see. I’m never late, and I never slack off. I’m easily worth fiftee…”
Seedler interrupted him in mid-sentence. “Excuse me, Plujo, I promised to put in a good word for you, and I always keep my promises. Ms. Hazel, you could do far worse than to hire Plujo here. He is a dedicated gatherer, is smart, and he only needs three acorns a day!” Plujo’s jaw dropped in shock. That was none of her business.
But Ms. Hazel’s face brightened up on the information. “Oh, that’s wonderful. You’re hired! I’ll even give you a raise—to five acorns a day!” she mused, as if she had done him a favor. “We want happy employees here at Nut-ro-Soft. Congratulations!”
Plujo slapped his face in disgust, and then looked up at Ms. Hazel and replied reluctantly, “Thanks, I’ll take the job.”
“You can start tomorrow at eight o’clock. Please be on time.”
Meanwhile, Ms. Hazel offered Seedler a management position. He would start at a whopping thirty acorns a day, plus benefits, including an upgraded suite at the Maple Leaf Hotel. They were shaking paws, and Ms. Hazel made an appointment to introduce the two new-hires to the CEO of Nut-ro-Soft and one of the wealthiest, most important rodents in The Land, Mr. Filbert.
Plujo left the Employment Bureau and walked towards his new burrow on the outskirts of The Woods, a burrow that he wasn’t sure he’d be able to keep, to have enough acorns to pay for. He was expecting a lot more in salary than he got. Seedler had said he wanted to help him, to put in a good word for him. He figured that Seedler really did have good intentions, and he certainly looked important enough to help. But, in the end, Seedler got a great job for himself, but just messed everything up for Plujo. He wondered if he could have gotten a better offer on his own, without Seedler’s help. Next time, he would trust in himself.
But now he was obligated, and he was a munk of his word, so he would be at work at eight o’clock tomorrow morning. And he would work hard. He would show them.
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